some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize