Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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