My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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