By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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