I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
