you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
