and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
