She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
