i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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