people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
