Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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