Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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