smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
