someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
