Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
