well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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