my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize