I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
