Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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