Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
