Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
