I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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