I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
