I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
