I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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