I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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