its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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