I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
