3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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