I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
