If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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