We named our party play list daddy issues
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize