sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
