I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
