I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
