So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
