susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
