Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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