Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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