i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
