he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
