Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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