You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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