She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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