what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
