I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
