is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
