Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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