So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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