my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
