I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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