His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
