I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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