Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
