FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
