i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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