i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
