I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
