Farmville is her only friend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
