i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
