Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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