I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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