Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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