Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize