he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
