Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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