Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
