The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
