I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
