walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
