please come you make the beer taste better
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My ass is underappreciated
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
