did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
