In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
