So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
