it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
