i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
