You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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