glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
