And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
