please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everything about him screamed your future.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
