It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
