I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize