hell yes lets make some ravioli
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
