you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
