woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
