Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
