It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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