I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
