He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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