i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
