I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
