I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
