Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
