i was born a porn star she said
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
