I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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