I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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