It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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